Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
