My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize