I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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