Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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