Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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