Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
