Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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