when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just pee around me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
