just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
