just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
