We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
