Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
