well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
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How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
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WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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