Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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