You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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