i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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