and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
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Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize