Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
