life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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