god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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