Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
