He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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