i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
