Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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