It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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