You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
