herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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