1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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