why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
