Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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