She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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