rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize