Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
