I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
