He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
