Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
