No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
