i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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