VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
