I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
