i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
