My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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