im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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