My hand turned me down
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize