How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
