I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
