I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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