someone owes me an orgasm
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
