This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
