Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.