girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
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I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital