i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize