I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
