Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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