Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
