I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
