he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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