No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
its not stalking. its research.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer