You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up