I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?